


Adrift

by AR_Torquil



Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Love, Mind Meld, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-20
Updated: 2017-05-24
Packaged: 2018-11-03 01:20:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10956720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AR_Torquil/pseuds/AR_Torquil
Summary: 'The waves never did return to their calm, lapping state. The water lowered to a normal height, but with a soft fierceness; the white crests of the waves crashing against their legs. The sun’s rays peeked out from behind the storm clouds that were now dissipating. This was their new peace now.'[A chapter excerpt from my story Commander Shepard: Invictus that I wrote ahead of time. Deviates from canon in places. It does borrow some game dialogue but overall it adds depth as well as references to my own version of Shepard's story (but not to the point where it's confusing to read). It centers around Liara visitng Shepard on the Normandy for drinks in ME2. This isn't supposed to be just a rehash with some smutty bits. It digs in where it hurts and forces the characters to confront everything that happened between them. A test of love. At least, that's the hope.]





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Notable Mentions:  
> \- Liara does not wear that god awful dress from the games. Her dress is white and sleek. I'll leave it at that.  
> \- Shepard absolutely does not wear a Cerberus uniform or any other of the also god awful outfits. She wears her old uniform.  
> \- Explicit next chapter: Work split into chapters for easier reading.  
> \- Inspirational song lyrics placed at the beginning of each chapter

_[Tell me_   
_How you can be the brighter star_   
_And light up the sky_   
_When I can't seem_   
_To even light up my own way_   
_And I'm burnt out from trying_

_I've become what I despise_   
_Paralyzed inside a lie_   
_Arms are weak from holding back the flood_   
_Sinking as the waters rise_   
_Drink myself to sleep each night_   
_I'm going under_   
_And all I really want is just to break free_

_Break free_   
_Break free from everything_   
_Break free before it breaks me_   
_There's got to be another way_   
_To start again_

_No_   
_I'm going under_   
_And all I really want is just to break free]_

_\- Break Free – Like A Storm_

***

The door to Shepard's cabin hissed behind her as Liara stepped into the room. She marveled at just how vast the improvements were from the original Normandy. The room was easily three times the size of the previous cabin and she found the addition of a fish tank both curious and amusing. Between the bed, the couch, and the new large workspace the room felt more alike to a luxury space than the captain's quarters of a military ship.

Although she enjoyed the renovations Liara couldn’t help but feel a tug in her chest at all of the memories the old ship brought her. Recollections of meeting new people, how embarrassingly naïve she'd been about everything. There were even times when she sat with her shipmates in down time and engaged in somewhat normal conversation. But there was always a darkness lurking in the shadowy edges of those memories, threatening to choke her if she wasn’t cautious.

“Did you enjoy the tour?” Shepard's tone was light and friendly, a pleasing sound to pull her from the creeping darkness.

She smiled simply, effectively guarding her emotions and sealing that part of herself away. That was how it was now – how it had been for two years – guarding, shielding, _hiding_ from everyone. “Yes, it’s a beautiful ship. And I ran into Joker, he seemed happy to see me.” It was always a fun experience running into that wisecracking pilot. “Though, he did ask me if we would be acting out scenes from some vid called _Vaenia_.” Liara had never seen this vid before, but the light blush that colored Shepard’s cheeks and her telltale nervous tic was enough of a hint.

“Of course he did,” Shepard mumbled awkwardly and averted her eyes. She gave a nervous cough and cleared her throat. “I got some wine for us. Want to sit with me and talk?”

“I’d like that.”

Shepard gestured politely at a spot on the couch for Liara, letting her sit first before taking up the spot next to her.

“I hope you like it, it’s from Thessia.”

Liara offered her best genuine smile and took the glass Shepard poured for her. She took a light sip rolling the liquid on her tongue. The wine carried a predominantly dry flavor with just enough of a hint of sweetness to cut the edge. Her favorite type of wine. _She remembered_.

Shepard took a healthy swig from her glass.

_She never was one to ‘sip’._

Shepard turned to her with hopeful eyes, “So, do you like it?”

Liara had to stifle a giggle. It was obvious Shepard was trying to prove something to herself and she wasn’t even trying to mask it. Of course Liara would indulge her for the sake of amusement, “Yes, the wine is absolutely lovely, Shepard.” This time when Shepard’s chest puffed up a bit with pride and her lips curled in a boastful grin Liara couldn’t stifle the giggle. Shepard’s reaction to impressing her was undeniably cute. Unable to stop herself she leaned over to press a soft kiss to her Commander’s cheek. She smiled when a blush warmed her lips. A small gasp slipped from her when Shepard snuck a quick peck to her lips as she pulled away. The telltale mischievous smirk on Shepard’s face made her heart thump and her stomach flutter.

“So,” Shepard reclined back onto the couch, “you’re the Shadow Broker now.”

She gracefully sipped her wine, “It seems that way.” Terrifying, honestly.

“You think the Shadow Brok – I mean your – agents can help us find something to stop the Reapers?”

“His…my…agents span the galaxy. He-,” Liara sighed at herself. It seems it would take a while for both of them to start referring to her as the new Broker.

Shepard chuckled and took a swig of wine. “We’ll get there eventually.”

“What I meant to say was, I have many resources now. I can obtain access to even the most well-kept secrets of any one government. I’m not forced to dig around ancient ruins anymore looking for clues. If someone has any information that can help us, I’ll be sure to find it.”

In their continued conversation Liara noticed Shepard was being tactfully evasive. The Commander answered any inquiries about her squadmates, but decidedly avoided bringing up Operative Lawson and Operative Taylor. Shepard’s discomfort emerged in a subtle pattern as they talked. Every time the conversation started to drift to Cerberus, or Shepard’s reconstruction, or what happened in the lapse of two years, Shepard would take a drink of wine to buy herself time. At first, Liara thought the discomfort was in the topics themselves and opted to avoid them for Shepard’s sake. It soon became clear to her, through Shepard’s anxious shifting in her seat, that there was something deeper eating away at her. Something she obviously wanted to discuss, but feared ruining the moment. Liara decided to lay it on the table herself, “How are you _actually_ doing, Shepard? Not just what you tell your crew to keep morale up.”

Shepard relaxed outwardly, but still took a languid sip of wine. Her eyes flicked back and forth in contemplation. “Honestly… I really have no idea how we’re going to do this. I have a good crew, and I’m gaining their trust. I’m doing everything I can, but I just…” She let her voice trail off and she shrugged, drinking down the last of her wine. Her face steeled and softened again. Confessing her feelings was never an easy thing for her, ever.

Taking a rather generous sip of wine, Liara used the opportunity to decide how to respond. She had to choose her words carefully, otherwise Shepard would simply shut down and find some way to change the subject. Appealing to her confidence seemed like the best option to smooth over Shepard’s insecurity. “You’ve done more than most. You and your team destroyed the Collectors and walked out alive.” Yes, that should do.

Shepard’s disposition seemed to lighten a bit as she poured herself another glass of wine. “We fought them in their own base and we won. They can’t call us young or primitive anymore.”

Liara chuckled, “Young?” She smiled, “You know, I’m one hundred and eight… One hundred and nine in a couple of months.”

Realization flashed over Shepard’s face. She’d been so caught up with her new task after waking she’d completely forgotten to wish Liara happy belated birthdays – not that Liara was actually bothered by it. “I should get you something nice.” Shepard reached over with the wine to top off Liara’s glass.

Liara could already see Shepard sifting through potential gift ideas in her head. She placed a gentle hand on Shepard’s cheek looking in her eyes. “You’re alive,” she said breathlessly, “I’ve got everything I want.” Their faces were so close she could make out every one of Shepard’s freckles. She wet her lips instinctively, watching the way Shepard shot glances down to her lips periodically. They both leaned in and kissed. Liara could feel herself melting and stopped herself. Slowly, and as naturally as possible, she pulled back and reclined back to her spot.

There was a hint of disappointment in Shepard’s face, but it quickly subsided. They both mutually agreed now wasn’t the time. Why? They had no idea. It simply didn’t feel right. Especially since Liara could sense something was still bothering the Commander. She couldn’t take advantage of Shepard’s vulnerability. “Shepard, what’s bothering you? Something is wrong. I can see it in your eyes. Please, tell me.”

A twitch tugged at the corners of Shepard’s lips. She was certainly conflicted…and hurting. Maybe it was too soon to expect Shepard to open up so willingly.

“It was a damn set up.” The Commander’s voice was barely a whisper and Liara had to strain to hear it. Shepard’s jaw squared. “They set us up.”

_Whom?_ Was Shepard talking about the Collectors? That didn’t really make sense. Her crew had done the invading. “I’m afraid I don’t understand what you mean, Shepard.”

“Cerberus set us up on Horizon. They lured the Collectors there in the first place.” Her voice rose with every word. “They sacrificed _thousands_ of innocent lives…and for what? So the _Illusive Man_ could get a show? He said it was ‘to see what we were up against’.” Shepard was fuming now, struggling to keep a level voice. “ _Bullshit_!” she spat. She took a moment to even out her rapid breathing.

“Those bastards…” It was an underwhelming statement, but Liara could think of nothing more to say. This was horrific, even for Cerberus.

“That ‘distress signal’ on Edolus where we found Admiral Kahoku’s missing marines dead from a Thresher Maw? _Cerberus_.” Shepard’s face went solemn and her voice soft, “Back on Akuze? _Cerberus_ …” Tears welled in the Commander’s eyes, “They killed my teammates… My friends… My…” she swallowed hard.

_Family_. Liara knew what Shepard was going to say. Cerberus had been the ones responsible for provoking raiders to attack Shepard’s hometown on Earth when she was young. She remembered how Shepard had showed her through a meld once in private. Even now the memory was still so raw for Shepard. It probably always would be.

“And now…now I’m working with them. Working _for_ them.” The Commander shook her head and looked away.

A piercing guilt wracked through Liara’s heart. She was the one who willingly helped Cerberus find Shepard. Every day she fooled herself into thinking ‘it’s what Shepard would want’. But was it? Or was it what _she_ wanted. How _she_ wanted to bring Shepard back instead of letting the dead rest in peace. How _she_ was so grief stricken she selfishly let these terrorists have Shepard. Of course Shepard would tell her she was grateful for coming back. That, even though she worked for these monsters, her mind was still her own. But now, because of _her_ , Shepard was forced to repay a debt she had no say in, in the first place. Liara wanted nothing more than to apologize to Shepard a million times over, but she couldn’t say the words. Not because she didn’t mean them, but because she didn’t want to make this about her. She wouldn’t be selfish again. But how could she console Shepard? How could she even face…

“What’s that?” Shepard’s voice made Liara jolt out of her thoughts. She looked over at Shepard who nodded to her purse on the table. The snap on her purse had opened and a part of a frame was peeking out. _Goddess, I almost forgot._

Maybe this would help. Liara pulled the frame out and turned to Shepard smiling. “It’s your tags. It took some digging, but, I managed to find them.”

A weak smile tugged at the corners of Shepard’s mouth. She took the frame and stared at the tags. “Thank you, Liara. I never thought I’d see these again.” Shepard rose from her seat.

“You can’t get back everything you lose, but, sometimes, you get lucky.” Liara tried to make the atmosphere light again for Shepard’s sake.

A crooked smile appeared on the Commander’s face and she winked, “Yeah. That was the plan.”

Liara ducked her head in an attempt to hide the small blush that now tinged her cheeks. Was she suggesting…

Shepard let out an airy laugh at her expense. “I’ll be right back. I’m going to put these by my terminal.” She bent down to place a quick peck on Liara’s crest, “Thank you again.”

While Shepard’s attention was directed away from her, Liara chugged her wine in a rather unladylike manner. Sure, she considered the idea that they might reignite their old flame tonight, but it still wracked her with nerves. Would she still be an adequate lover? Or would she fumble around awkwardly like their first time? Goddess, she wouldn’t be able to live with herself if she failed Shepard in their intimacies as well. She needed to take the edge off a little. With a quick glance to make sure Shepard wouldn’t notice, she poured herself another glass of wine and took a healthy gulp. A little liquid courage certainly couldn’t hurt.

She was still feeling restless despite the wine, however. Decidedly, she stood believing that a small walk around the cabin would settle her. She lazily traced her finger around the rim of the glass. Liara’s eyes breezed over the room as she walked. A warmth filled her chest when her eyes caught onto a picture frame on Shepard’s nightstand. It was their very first photograph together, taken in front of ancient ruins on Earth. The ruins were in a place known as Rome, and they were a memory of a once great monument known as the Coliseum. She remembered Shepard’s barely restrained excitement upon taking her there on their first romantic date. It was Shepard’s way of trying to impress her and, even now, she had to admit the archaeologist in her was giddy at the idea of discovering a history so new to her.

Their faces were so childlike, so full of content and adoration – the beginnings of a flowering affection. Just two years had passed and yet the memory felt as ancient as the ruins in the background. It was only then that she understood the interworking of Time and Change; how the two intertwined, and the codependent relationship they shared. Liara hardly recognized the young maiden in the photograph anymore and wondered if that’s how every matriarch of her kind felt when they reflected on their life. But she was still a maiden now. Would she think back centuries later and wonder what happened to _this_ Liara?

Her attention turned away from the photograph – she shouldn’t let her mind wander to such dark places right now. Not here. But when her eyes locked onto Shepard’s old N7 helmet on the table her heart sank. The helmet was still badly damaged, as it had been when…

She swallowed thickly and chewed on her bottom lip. She could still see Shepard’s body locked behind the glass of a stasis pod in the old Shadow Broker’s base. The body was hardly more than a charred skeleton, with bits of flesh and muscle here and there. The sound of gunshots rang in her ears as she recalled the way she stood staring at the mangled corpse of her beloved while Feron bought them time. Shards of glass flew at her feet as she ripped the pod that was stuck to the wall open, using her biotics to carry Shepard’s remains while Feron covered her escape.

Liara bit her lip almost to bleeding as she fought back tears. “Goddess, you were dead…” she whispered faintly.

“I got better,” Shepard’s voice sounded soothing behind her.

Her muscles tensed briefly upon being startled by Shepard’s presence, but the Commander’s words struck her. She set her glass down on the table to refrain from breaking it in her grip. _‘Got better…?’_ Her jaw clenched. _‘Got better?’_ The statement made her furious. As if coming back from the dead was alike to some kind of illness to recover from. As if _dying_ was nothing more than a simple slumber to be awoken from. “You just…” her voice was low, and she couldn’t mask the tinge of anger, “just _got better_?” She felt a calloused hand rest gently on her shoulder. Liara turned around prepared to snap back at the statement. Her mouth opened to speak but when she met the Commander’s eyes her mind fell blank. Shepard’s eyes were soft and kind. They twinkled at her with love, and Liara could see the hint of contrition within them. Their gentleness made her own face soften.

A breath caught in her throat as Shepard cupped her cheek and leaned forward to brush their lips with a kiss. It was delicate, a test to see if the gesture would be welcomed. When Liara didn’t retract, Shepard kissed her again; longer, lingering, but still tender. Liara sighed letting her body go slack when Shepard palmed her waist. Her hands slid their way up Shepard’s neck to her soft hair. She let her lips part in a silent request, her hands tangling themselves in red strands when a warm tongue slipped into her mouth. Shepard still tasted the same even through the bite of red wine. Liara grew bold, kissing her lover with fervor and zest. She moaned as Shepard hiked up her dress and lifted her up onto the table. Legs moving on their own accord, they wrapped around her lover’s waist and pulled her in. It felt so divine to have Shepard like this again, nestled between her thighs, kissing her earnestly.

“Join with me.” The words brushed against her lips barely audible, but unmistakable. She tensed against Shepard’s embrace and retracted slightly. Her lips were still parted and they shared the same breath but she couldn’t speak. She couldn’t bring herself to reach out for Shepard’s mind – but oh how she _pined_ for it; how she ached for the warm embrace she once knew. Hands dropping down, loosening and then tightening again subtly on Shepard’s shirt she fought with herself. This was the same Shepard, she knew, but she was not the same young maiden Shepard yearned for anymore. Time had not happened for Shepard like it did for her. Time had not even _happened_. Shepard remained static while the galaxy shifted around her, changing, evolving. Liara wasn’t at all concerned with what she might find in Shepard’s mind. She was terrified of what Shepard might find in _hers_. More importantly, she feared of what might happen when she let Shepard inside. The walls of the fortress she had created within would surely crumble to pieces at her slightest touch. Walls that were titanium to anyone else, but mere grains of soft sand in Shepard’s grasp. Shepard wouldn’t run away from her, that much was true, but what if she lost herself _again_. It had taken her the better time of the two years to figure out who she was without Shepard. Two years to keep herself from falling back into the weak maiden she used to be…

“Liara.” The whisper of her name carried an edge on Shepard’s tongue. A subtle sharpness to bring her back into focus and disrupt her hesitance. It wasn’t a request, but it wasn’t a plea either. “ _Join with me._ ” Each word was carefully punctuated and spoken in a normal tone.

“Shepard, I…” her breathless voice trailed off and she swallowed.

Shepard leaned in making up for the lost space until their noses and lips brushed once more. “I know you want to. We both… I’ve missed you.” Their lips touched in a lingering, feather light kiss.

Liara tried to even out the labored breaths her nerves were forcing from her and she raised a hand to brush her fingertips against Shepard’s temple. Shepard closed her eyes, the edges of her lips curling up into the faintest smile. Liara eased forward with her mind at a tentative pace, finding Shepard’s mind first while keeping her own as shuttered as she could. To her surprise Shepard didn’t try to thwart her hesitance with any kind of strong emotions. Instead Shepard let her in with a light blanket of warmth and understanding, letting Liara nestle inside on her own terms. Slowly the tension in her body lifted until she was fully relaxed within Shepard’s consciousness…almost.

Despite her reservations she let parts of herself slip through the hidden cracks of the foundation of her fortress. Her mind opened to a familiar place and she nuzzled her face into the crook of Shepard’s neck.

*****

_Shepard opened her eyes to the familiar place of Liara’s consciousness. Waves lapped around their calves gently in a vast ocean with a sun shining down from high in the skies. It was the same place she remembered as all those times before and she smiled. They stood in an embrace with Liara’s face tucked neatly into her neck. Liara’s arms hooked underneath hers curling up to grip on her shoulders. This was it. This was the home she missed. She could feel the sand shift underfoot with the movement of the waves and smell the aroma of sea salt in the light breeze. Liara’s breathing was steady against her chest and she could feel their hearts beat in unison._

_Something wasn’t quite right though, and her brow creased as she tried to place it. The sun wasn’t quite as bright as she remembered and the sky… Was that a hint of…grey? It seemed a tinge duller than she was used to. And there was something further out. A storm? Her eyes narrowed. The death of Benezia had left an unrest further out in the sea of Liara’s mind but this wasn’t the same one. It was closer on the horizon and much darker. The waters were rocky, Shepard could see, even from here and the sky was almost black with flashes of lightning. That was definitely new._

_“I-is that because of me? What I did to you when I…died.” The last word hung thick in the air and she felt Liara shift in her embrace. The atmosphere shifted but it was so indistinct Shepard barely noticed it at first. Liara nodded softly into her skin._

_A memory flashed into vision, a fiery explosion in the middle of space. She cried out, hands clutching at the safety bars as she watched in utter horror from an escape pod. Her heart lurched into her throat and she strained her eyes through tears to see if…_

_The memory flicked away just as quickly as it had come. A low rumble of thunder erupted from the sky above them. The clear blue skies swirled, churning with tendrils of grey. Waves that were lapping grew more forceful, the water rising up slowly to just below her knees. Liara shifted again tugging at Shepard’s shirt._

_Another memory flickered into view and she was standing in a crowd of people dressed in black and Alliance Dress Blues. A procession marched through a split in the crowd carrying a coffin, their faces solemn and sympathetic. An alter with her portrait stood at the forefront next to a wooden podium._

_The memory changed abruptly and now she was standing behind the podium looking onto the crowd in front of her. Blue hands rested on the cool wood of the podium on either side of a handwritten note. The paper was crumpled lightly and she reached out to smooth it over once._

_A loud boom overhead shattered the memory. The waves were crashing now and the sand beneath her feet shifted underway. Swirls of menacing, thunderous clouds darkened the sky, split frequently by large bolts of lightning. The subtle aroma of sea salt was so harsh now it burned her nostrils and dried her throat. Wind ripped through her threatening to knock her over. Liara was trembling against her now and Shepard knew she was sobbing despite the whips of sea spray hitting them and the thunder overhead._

_Shepard caressed Liara’s back in soothing patterns. She had to do something before Liara overwhelmed them both; the water was waist high and quickly climbing. But what could she do? What could she say? Liara watched her_ die _, there was nothing she could do to lessen the pain of that fact. But she would try, she had to._

_“I’m sorry.”_

_It was just two simple words but she knew they were the right ones. Shepard never apologized, to anyone. She wasn’t too prideful to deny when she was wrong but those words…never. Liara knew that._

_Liara clutched her shirt even tighter and the water receded. The wind died down and Shepard began to think she was successful, but it wasn’t so. Liara trembled even more and the salt in the air still stung her eyes. The thunderstorm looming above them still crackling and heavy. But the water was receding down to their calves, down to their shins, down, down… Shepard lifted her eyes slowly. A tidal wave was steadily rising in the distance._

_“Liara…” she spoke cautiously, eyeing the wave as it rose higher and higher, drawing forward. Nothing could be done. This flood of darkness was her doing and there was no way to mollify it now. The damage had been done. This was the storm surge Liara kept inside for two years finally reaching its peak. A whirlpool of anguish, grief, and heartache sucking them in. An inevitable consequence. This was her test –_ their _test. If they couldn’t stand in this, they couldn’t stand at all..._

_Shepard finally realized her place in all of this. Liara didn’t want her to swoop in and carry her away to safer waters. She wanted her to finally face the tsunami she held back for so long. And so she did. Shepard clutched Liara close to her and braced them both. The tidal waved swiftly approached rising even higher still. Shepard lowered her head to whisper in Liara’s ear. “I’ve got you.”_

_Liara snapped and wailed. With ungodly force the rogue wave crashed over them and Shepard held fast. She felt the crippling grief, the fire of betrayal, the hollowness of loss, the burden of remembrance… She gasped at how overbearing it all was and her lungs and stomach filled with sea water. It burned and she choked, but still she held her ground through it all._

_Memories of before flashed through again, but they were too quick and meshed for her to see any of them clearly. Squeezing impossibly tight she countered every memory she could latch on to with one of her own._

_Stars drifting by as two faces leaned in on a sleeping ship. Purple lips fumbling around her own awkwardly, trying to impress but failing. She laughs and says, “Relax,” and resumes as her lover melts into her and they kiss for the first time. The beginning._

_A caress, a kiss, and a moan as clothes fall to the floor of the captain’s quarters in dim light. Curious eyes wander down her body and she laughs as an anatomical discovery is made. Her lover’s cheeks blush and eyes widen. “Yes, down there, too,” she says. Another kiss and gleaming, youthful eyes look up at her yearning for permission. She simply nods and watches as her lover’s eyes gloss over with blackness. So new, so young, so fascinated by all of their shared sensations and blending into one being. No ‘I’. No ‘you’. Us. One. Whole._

_“You’ll love it,” she says as they walk hand-in-hand, arms intertwined. Even now the streets are old and cracked, bleeding with ancient secrets. Her lover simply laughs at her childish behavior, unsure of their destination. She wanted it to be a surprise. Finally, they stand before the great Coliseum in Roma, Italy. She grins and gestures dramatically at the structure introducing it in a poor imitation of an Italian accent. But it makes her lover laugh and that’s what she aimed for. There is no sweeter sound. She rattles off facts about the monument trying to impress and pretend like it’s common knowledge among humans to know such things. In reality, she looked it up on the extranet on their trip here, even scribbling notes down on her palm. But the heat of the sun made her palms sweaty and the writing smeared. She stumbles trying to make out some of the words, but her lover doesn’t seem to care. She wants to say, ‘This is my home, and I want to share it with you.’ They capture the memory in a photograph._

_The counters seemed to ease Liara’s pain and the storm around them settled. A last, lingering fear clung in Liara’s mind but Shepard didn’t try to fight it away. Instead, she embraced the fear and drew it into herself, sharing it. This wasn’t just Liara’s burden to bear. It shouldn’t be. Liara’s breathing evened out despite her hiccups and her shoulders relaxed._

_The waves never did return to their calm, lapping state. The water lowered to a normal height, but with a soft fierceness; the white crests of the waves crashing against their legs. The sun’s rays peeked out from behind the storm clouds that were now dissipating. This was their new peace now._


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Explicit Content

_Don't doubt me babe_  
You make me wanna change  
Break my bed to make me wanna stay  
I can't...  
Bite me babe  
You make me love the pain  
Break my bed to make me wanna stay  
I can't...

_\-       Say It – Flume (feat. Tove Lo) [Illenium Remix]_

*** 

 

As gently as she could manage, Liara untwined her presence from Shepard’s and eased out of the meld. Her labored breaths and wetness on Shepard’s uniform were evidence her sobbing occurred outside of the meld as well. Embarrassed by the sopping mess on her face she stayed nuzzled into Shepard’s shoulder. Neither of them moved for a long moment, until Shepard pulled away. Shepard looked at her with eyes still hazy from the meld and smiled lightly. On instinct Liara raised a hand to her face to cover the mess.

 

“You’re beautiful,” Shepard said to her. It was a kind sentiment but perhaps a transparent one. Obviously, Shepard could see how much of a mess she was and was just comforting her. Though, there did seem to be a hint of sincerity in it.

 

Embarrassed and overwhelmed she ducked her head to avoid Shepard’s gaze. Liara couldn’t deny the relief she felt now after the meld. Everything still ached, as it always would, but now it wasn’t just hers to hold. For the first time in a long while she felt peaceful and content.

 

“May I use your bathroom, Shepard?” Her face was sticky and hot and she desperately wanted to wash away all of it.

 

“You don’t need to ask, Liara.” Shepard helped her down off of the desk and moved out of the way.

 

A look of concern flashed across Shepard’s face, her eyes fixated on a spot on Liara’s dress. Curious, Liara glanced down to notice a wine stain on the lower portion of her white dress. Apparently, they managed to knock over her drink in their initial enthusiasm. It wasn’t too bad since the glass was mostly empty anyways, but there was no way the stain could be removed.

 

“Damn, I really liked that dress on you.” They both laughed.

 

 Still shielding her face, Liara made her way to the restroom to clean up. She was grateful for the moment of solitude as the bathroom door hissed shut behind her. She splashed refreshing cold water over her face, patting it dry with a hand towel. She let the faucet run, letting herself take a moment to recuperate. Whatever concern she had concerning her relationship with Shepard were now mollified…mostly. It seemed foolish to think that after everything they had been through that Shepard would just give up. That she would just abandon it all.

 

Liara studied herself closely in the mirror. For so many nights she laid awake wondering if the Commander would be the same after being in the hands of Cerberus. If it would be the same Commander – the same Shepard – she had fallen in love with. Not only that, but if Shepard would even love her still. Most nights she tossed and turned in her bed, wracked with nightmares of heartache. In some, Shepard never came to see her. Only later did she find out of Shepard’s revival, but when she tried to reach out, Shepard ignored her. In others, Shepard came to see her only to say farewell. To be honest, she couldn’t tell which was worse. The relief she felt when Shepard walked into her office, radiating with joy to see her, was ineffable.

 

But how long would it last? How long would it be until Shepard was ripped from her again? _No_. She silently kicked herself for thinking such terrible thoughts. Still, it was better to be a realist than an idealist. She turned off the water faucet and placed the towel back on the rack. If she stayed much longer Shepard would sense something was out of place.

 

 She found Shepard cleaning off the last bits of wine off the table and placing the glass on the coffee table.

 

“I apologize for the mess, Shepard.”

 

Shepard gave a dismissive wave and smiled broadly at her. “Ah, don’t worry about it. I can always buy more wine.”

 

_Always with her jokes_. Liara giggled and turned away shyly.

 

“I may have to save up some credits to replace that dress though.” Shepard’s eyes glided up and down her figure. She whistled quietly, “God, you look so sexy.”

 

It seemed not even a spilled glass of wine coupled with a nervous breakdown could even dampen the Commander’s spirits. Liara brought a hand to her cheek to hide her blush – and maybe a coy smile.

 

“As much as I enjoy seeing it on you, though,” Shepard closed the gap between them and teased at the dress’s straps, her voice dropped low “I think it’d look a lot prettier on the floor.”

 

A shiver travelled down Liara’s spine to her very core. Hot breath skated across the side of her crest as Shepard dipped her head down beside hers. Strong hands traced her curves and settled at her waist. Liara chewed her bottom lip and sighed.

 

“You mean so much to me, Liara. I’ve dreamt of making love to you like this every night.” Liara drank in the sweet nothings Shepard whispered into her ear eagerly. “Do you wanna know what I do to you in those dreams?”

 

“Goddess, yes… Show me.” A shudder fluttered through her lips. Her hands wrapped around Shepard’s neck as their bodies pressed.

 

A pleasant hum from her lover vibrated against her neck. “First,” a soft kiss placed along Liara’s throat, “I make sure to kiss you nice and slow, just how you like it.” And she did. Their lips pressed and Liara tangled her fingers in Shepard’s hair. A tongue teased against her lips before pushing past without waiting for permission. Shepard’s tongue caressed hers, leading their kiss. It blazed trails, relearning the surface and crevices of her mouth. Liara felt her knees go weak – Shepard was passionately _tasting_ her. A firmer grip on her hips held her in place.

 

All too soon Shepard pulled away with a soft bite to her lower lip, teasing her, and Liara whimpered. “Shepard, I…”

 

“Oh, sweetheart,” Shepard murmured against her lips, “I’m just getting started.” Fingers curled against her sides, pulling up her dress.

 

“Shepard, I can’t.” Liara could practically hear Shepard’s heart splitting in two. The Commander’s body stiffened, and the bottom of her dress fell back down. _No! Wait!_ She quickly stumbled out her next words to explain herself, “I meant, I need you to promise me you’ll always come back.” She placed a kiss along Shepard’s jawline, “Please, Shepard. Promise me.” Shepard’s body relaxed again, much to her relief.

 

Once again Shepard lifted the bottom of her dress, letting it hang just below her bottom. Liara felt cool air rise beneath her dress and shivered.

 

“I don’t know, Dr. T’Soni,” the lustful, yet strangely detached way Shepard addressed her was oddly arousing. She always did like a tinge of roleplay with her foreplay, “That seems like an _awfully_ big promise to make.”

 

“Oh, is it?” Liara coyly played her part.

 

“I might need something _special_ to come back to,” Shepard purred.

 

Liara flicked her tongue at the lobe of Shepard’s ear. She smiled at the way Shepard rewarded her with a moan. “Did you have something in mind, _Commander_?”

 

“How about…” Shepard’s husky voice hummed in her ear, “this.” Liara gasped as powerful hands clenched her backside.

 

A breathy shudder escaped her lips while Shepard sucked at her throat. The better part of her wanted to break away, knowing if she didn’t there would be a dark purple bruise along her neck – but _Goddess_ she missed it. This form of possessiveness was so familiar. Too many times before was she forced to wear high-collared shirts to hide the mark, much to the Commander’s dismay. Her white gown did have something of a collar, but of course, Shepard chose a spot in the front uncovered rather than pushing it aside.

 

Lips still latched onto her skin, Shepard lifted her up weightlessly and laid her down onto the mattress with surprising gentleness. She reached lower onto Shepard’s back tugging up the hem of her shirt from her pants. Swiftly and wordlessly Shepard sat up and ripped the shirt up over her head tossing it aside. When Shepard’s hands reached back to undo the clasps of her compression bra Liara touched her arm to halt her. Arms drawing back forward slowly, Shepard eyed her curiously. Rather than meeting her gaze Liara fixed her eyes on her lover’s body – her _new_ body.

 

The skin was patchy in places where new and pale collided with the old and tan. It was a subtle contrast, evident that every effort had been made to make it uniform. But this was a body she had seen so many times and her trained eye picked up the differences. Her eyes fixed on the new scars and she brought her hand down to ghost over them. Shepard’s old scars were mostly gone aside from the deepest ones, replaced by surgical scars. The lines were precise incisions lining her sides, crossing methodically throughout her abdomen. Liara splayed her fingers over the expanse of muscle, leaving just enough distance so that Shepard’s abdomen pressed into her palm on every inhale. She could feel a subtle twitch every time their skin came in contact.

 

She slid her hand up pushing the bra up and over Shepard’s breasts, careful to avoid touching anything sensitive just yet. Shepard’s breathing quickened in anticipation. Instinctively she licked her lips and lifted her eyes to meet Shepard’s gaze. Shepard’s pupils were dilated and her eyes were dark and hooded. Liara kept her gaze and brought both of her hands to rest just under her lover’s breasts. Shepard shifted on top of her, clenching and unclenching her jaw obviously torn with whether to let Liara maintain her control or not. A wicked smirk twitched at the corners of Liara’s lips as she traced the curves of Shepard’s breasts with her palms. She dragged her fingertips across the soft flesh careful to avoid the already rigid tips just yet. She used the thumbs of both hands to circle around the nipples increasing pressure with each pass. Her lover shifted again fighting the urge to push into the touch. Liara’s circles grew tighter and tighter, and when she finally flicked the hard peaks Shepard failed to stifle a gasp.

 

Liara flicked her thumbs over the hard tips a few more times before cupping both breasts in her palms and squeezing lightly. They were just as soft as she remembered and just large enough to not quite fit in her grasp, the excess spilling over her fingers. Shepard groaned on the next exhale and pushed her chest forward. She rolled her palms against the hard peaks and licked her lips.

 

Unable to resist her own urges Liara abruptly grabbed Shepard’s shoulders to pull her down so she was face-to-face with her chest. She placed a hand on Shepard’s back pushing down so she could latch onto a stiff nipple with her lips. It tasted warm against her tongue and she grazed her teeth over it. Above her she felt Shepard twitch and heard a groan rumble from her throat. She sucked hard remembering how much it drove Shepard crazy. Her efforts weren’t unrewarded and Shepard ground her hips onto Liara’s abdomen. Liara reveled in the way Shepard shuddered over her, groaning but still trying to retain control over herself.

 

Their lovemaking began with sweeter intentions, but it was swiftly turning into a power game. Liara shifted her attention to the other nipple lavishing it, trying to elicit as many sounds and twitches as she could from her lover. Shepard was swiftly losing control and she knew it wouldn’t be long before her lover snapped to regain dominance. When Liara dug her nails into Shepard’s shoulder blades Shepard growled and flew into action.

 

Shepard sat up, shifting her weight off Liara to hike the bottom of Liara’s dress up above her hips, and then coming back down to claim Liara’s lips in a bruising kiss. The kiss was messy and unfocused, both vigorous and demanding. Liara’s heart pounded in her chest and she managed to gasp for air in the brief moments their lips separated. It was harsh and she loved it; she loved the way Shepard pinned her to the bed with her weight, the way their bodies ground against one another, the way Shepard dug her nails into her hip and pulled her right leg up over her waist. She felt Shepard grin in their kiss when she discovered Liara bare beneath her dress. She never did like to wear undergarments of any kind – too restraining.

 

Liara panted desperately when Shepard broke away from the kiss, licking and nipping a path down her throat to her chest. She lifted so she could slip through the thick straps of her dress as Shepard yanked the top down, leaving the dress bunched around her middle. A shout left her lips when Shepard latched onto her breasts, kneading and sucking at them greedily. For a moment Liara’s eyes flashed over with blackness and she brushed against Shepard’s mind before she could stop herself. She held her breath until her lungs burned to ground herself, retracting and hoping Shepard hadn’t noticed her slip. She swallowed thickly and gasped when she couldn’t hold her breath any longer. Her breathing was harsh and ragged, and the ache in her skull was driving her mad but she couldn’t give in yet. If she did, that would mean Shepard had won. Won what? She had no idea, but it was still too soon.

 

A cool hand slipped between her thighs, ghosting downward over the slit in her sex. She shivered, exhaling in another ragged breath. A finger pressed and teased against her soaked entrance before pulling back up to split open her folds. She groaned from deep in her gut and thrust her hips against the touch. _Shepard…_ She wanted to say it aloud – to scream it – but she wouldn’t give Shepard the satisfaction. If Shepard wanted her, she would have to work earnestly for it. Her breasts ached from Shepard’s rough treatment, but the pain paled when a slick finger teased around her clit. A shudder, another ragged breath, and she lifted her other knee to hook around her lover’s leg. The haze of desire was so thick in her skull it nearly choked her. In a desperate attempt to find clarity she raked her nails down the expanse of Shepard’s back. The motion was enough to pull Shepard’s teeth from her chest to growl. A low, throaty, predatory sound so deep and animalistic it made Liara’s skin prickle and her entire body shiver. Shepard left her breasts and slithered up to hover directly over her. Their eyes locked, challenging one another; emerald eyes piercing into sapphire ones.

 

Shepard tried and failed to hide a smug grin when the movements of her fingers shifted from teasing circles to practiced movements. Liara held the stare and her eyes narrowed even as her body betrayed her and writhed shamelessly, her chest rising and falling rapidly. It never failed to amaze her how powerful yet soft the Commander’s green eyes could be. They bored down onto her patient, expectant, even hopeful.

 

_She’s expecting me to meld._

Liara spat defiance back at her with her eyes and clawed her back again. Evidently shocked, Shepard faltered in her movements and her expression flickered with concern briefly before she caught herself in the moment of weakness. Her emerald eyes darkened with determination. In one fluid motion Shepard impaled her with two fingers, thrusting her own hips into her hand for added leverage. Liara cried out, nearly breaking eye contact. Even through her throes of ecstasy she could hear the sticky, obscene sounds. She moaned at the way her entrance so easily yielded and sucked at Shepard’s fingers. Her hips bucked hard, immodestly grinding against Shepard’s thrusts. She kicked off her heels and dug her feet into Shepard’s backside, clutching at her shoulders. The pounding in her skull was bordering on painful now.

Sensing her impending victory Shepard craned her neck to access the underside of Liara’s crest. The flick of a tongue against the soft, sensitive underside of her crest proved to be Liara’s undoing. She leaned back into Shepard’s tongue, groaning out a sob. Her eyes slipped shut for the briefest moment before glossing over with black. This time she didn’t _brush_ against Shepard’s presence, she absolutely _devoured_ it. She heard a faint, muffled cry bleed into the meld from the physical realm.

 

In their previous experiences, even the most raw and passionate ones, Liara always made sure the meld was soft and gentle. But now…now it spat and crackled, engulfing them both in the flames of desire. There was still love, still that same passion and affection, of course, but it was lost in the fire.

_L-Liara?_ Shepard stumbled in the meld, fumbling around trying to find something she was familiar with. Out of sympathy Liara sent out a caress of reassurance to her beloved. She only wanted Shepard to _see_ , not frighten her. Shepard latched onto the caress immediately, drawing it back into herself, trying to use her knowledge of the meld to amplify the feeling and send it back unto Liara.

 

While Liara deeply appreciated the effort, it couldn’t give her the reassurance she wanted – _needed_. She felt so hurt, so betrayed. It wasn’t Shepard’s fault, she knew, but she couldn’t help herself. When Shepard died, she had never felt so…so utterly and completely _alone._ Sure, she had spent most her life in solitude doing her research, but it was by _choice_. Her _choice_ to live a solivagant life among ruins. And if she so desired, her mother was always a short vid call away. When her mother died, she had Shepard as a friend to lean on – and eventually as a lover. She let Shepard in so easily, it just felt natural. But all too soon it was violently ripped from her when Shepard died. Then she had nothing, and no one. The crew stayed in contact with her for a time, but Shepard had been this sort of glue, and with her gone everyone just simply broke apart. Ashley and Joker had their new assignments; Wrex returned to his people on Tuchunka; Garrus went into hiding under his new Archangel masquerade; Tali continued her pilgrimage – although she did keep in touch with Liara frequently. Tali was the only one she remained closest to – and, Goddess, how she had leaned on the poor woman – but after a time Liara just felt like a burden. Anderson was kind enough to pay for an apartment for her, having been like a father figure to Shepard, and for a while she let him do it – hell, the man probably would have done it for the rest of her life. He knew how much she meant to Shepard. For months, she let him pay for her while she sat and grieved. Because, it wasn’t her _choice_ to be alone anymore. Her mother was gone. Shepard was gone. She couldn’t even return to her research, the mystery of the Protheans had been solved through Shepard and Vigil. She had _nothing_. Not until she stumbled upon Feron who introduced her into the information brokerage. Only then did she find herself.

 

But now, Shepard was here, alive, and rutting into her without a drop of mercy. Fucking her absolutely senseless; ramming her down into the mattress with her strong hand and even stronger hips. The bed rocked, the headboard thumping rhythmically behind them. Her nails scratched a path downward from Shepard’s shoulders slipping under her cargo pants. She clinched the soft flesh of Shepard’s bottom, wrenching her lover forward forcefully with each hump.

 

Shepard’s tongue snaked along the soft flesh behind her crest and her vision blurred. Feeling so much pleasure from such an obscene act made her feel borderline whorish. And the way Shepard’s fingers rubbed a certain spot – _the_ spot – made her body quiver. She moved her feet to spread her legs wider to give Shepard more access to claim her, only adding to her impropriety. Her dignity gave way to pure wanton. It reminded her of how real this all was; that both of them were here, now, living. This wasn’t a dream.

 

Her throat felt dry and she had to actively restrain herself from tipping over. She still had a game to play. She sent wisps of wickedness Shepard’s way, tickling at her, taunting her. She abused the shared sensations of the meld, pulling Shepard’s presence deeper into her own pleasure. Shepard may have broken her earlier, but it was she who would unravel the Commander first. She heard Shepard grunt at the barrage of sensations being thrown at her.

 

_What’s wrong, Shepard? Feeling a tad overwhelmed?_ Her thoughts dripped with sarcasm and mischievous amusement.

 

_I see your game, Sweetheart. You’re not going to win._ Shepard backed up her point with a delicious curl of her fingers. Liara’s back arched and she cried out, her abdominal muscles clenching and her walls fluttering.

_Oh, I don’t know, Darling. I’m not the same young maiden you once knew. I believe I can still twist the odds in my favor._ She tossed back after taking a moment to find her bearings.

_I’d like to see you try, my love._ Shepard was growing cocky – too cocky.

_Be careful what you wish for…Commander._ The Commander’s confidence amused her to no end, and she let the human relish in it…for a moment. Shepard was no stranger to using the effects of the meld to her advantage, but she was _human_ , and Liara wasn’t. It didn’t matter how many times the two indulged themselves in the Joining, Shepard would never be a match to the asari maintaining the connection.

Liara tuned her focus to the physical realm. She basked in the pleasure of Shepard’s fingers thrusting, curling, twisting inside of her. She memorized the way a thumb flicked up to tweak and rub at her pounding clit. Her mind echoed with the slick, sopping, _greedy_ sounds her entrance made. She clenched and pulled hungrily at the digits inside of her. It was one of the biggest weaknesses of her lover, to hear her so unbelievably lustful, so unchaste. She exploited the fault to her advantage.

 

Shepard moaned, panting heavily. _“Fuck, Liara,”_ she ground out through gritted teeth.

Liara drew in every ounce of pleasure, nearly sending herself over the edge on accident, before inflating the sensations tenfold and sending them hurtling toward her lover’s presence. The flames of their desire in the meld rose higher becoming blisteringly hot. She forced Shepard to feel every plunge, every exquisite curl, every hard flick and press, as if feeling it on her own body. Her lover cried out in empathy, her chest heaving.

 

_“Th-that’s not fair!”_ It wouldn’t be long now.

 

 With one last trick Liara raked her nails back up Shepard’s back, so deeply it drew blood. In the next moment, Shepard’s muscles clenched and her body went stiff with ecstasy. Shepard bit down hard on Liara’s shoulder in her climax. Liara waited just long enough to prove her point and relish her victory before barreling over the edge herself.

 

The release was indescribable bliss. The fire of desire split to reveal the love and passion at its core. Liara held onto Shepard desperately, clawing down her back one last time for good measure. Shepard kissed her with quivering lips that tasted of salt. Their cheeks clung together, sticky with the sweat of sex.

 

Their come down was slow and hazy and left them both breathless. As their climax subsided Liara gently untwined their essences once again. Lazily, Liara traced her fingertips up and down Shepard’s back, playing with the fresh marks. She brought a fingertip covered in the wetness into her line of vision over Shepard’s shoulder and examined it. Shepard was too busy recovering to notice. Curiously Liara brought her fingertip to her lips letting the wetness coat her lips before sliding the finger between them to taste. It was metallic, as human blood tended to be, but most importantly, it was real. Shepard was _alive_. She could taste the life inside her.

Shepard finally lifted her head to look Liara in the eyes. This time, there was only love. Her lover leaned down to place a soft peck on her lips. “I love you, Liara.”

“I love you, too.” She cupped Shepard’s cheek.

Shepard licked her lips and raised a brow humorously. “Blood? Are you a vampire now, babe?” She fell into a fit of giggles at her own joke.

Liara didn’t know what a ‘vampire’ was but she couldn’t help smiling at Shepard’s decidedly human term of endearment. The Commander looked cute glistening, hair plastered to her forehead, laughing at herself.

When Shepard finally stopped giggling she looked down between their bodies. Liara’s dress was still tangled around her midriff, undoubtedly wrinkled, and her chest was littered with purple bruises. Shepard’s compression bra was digging into the skin above her breasts and she still had her cargo pants on. That brought a smile to Liara’s lips; she managed to bring Shepard to climax without lifting a single finger. Well, not on her sex anyways.

 

“We made a mess of each other.” It was difficult to tell with all the exertion put forth, but Liara could swear she saw a hint of embarrassment in her love’s cheeks.

 

“We certainly did.” Honestly, Liara did to restrain herself, but she couldn’t help entertaining herself at the Commander’s expense. “Perhaps you’d like to finish undressing and change your clothes.” Shepard’s cheeks flushed with red and she grumbled while looking away. Refusing to admit defeat Shepard moved off the bed and made for her wardrobe.

Allowing herself to bask in the afterglow, Liara remained on the mattress. She did use the opportunity to admire Shepard’s nude figure. While it was extremely satisfying to unravel Shepard with little effort, she had to admit she missed seeing her lover completely bare. She reached out with a shaky hand to grope her love’s backside. Maybe it wasn’t so effortless. _But, by the Goddess, was it worth it_.

 

Shepard looked over her shoulder at Liara and raised a brow, “Trying to go for round two?” She rubbed her wrist, “I may have a new body, but I don’t think I can go again. That was… Even for me.”

 

Liara chuckled, “Just admiring the view.”

 

Shepard shot her a sly grin and stretched, brandishing her strength. She puffed up a bit, flexing the muscles in her arms and shoulders while sifting through her clothes. Liara rolled her eyes, but didn’t complain. The Commander had a fatter ego than she liked to admit. Shepard took her time pondering what to wear, cocking her hip and making a show of flaunting her powerful physique. It was all for Liara’s benefit, of course. Her wardrobe consisted predominantly of navy blue, black, white, and grey shirts with cargos and sweatpants of matching colors. Hardly an arduous decision to make, but it entertained Liara regardless. After another moment of prideful boasting, Shepard decided on a pair of matching navy Alliance sweats and matching top. Liara managed to sneak in one last pinch and pat before Shepard pulled on her sweats – without any underwear, she noticed.

 

When Shepard went to pull her shirt on Liara opened her mouth to warn her of the scratches down her back, but she was a moment too late. Shepard flinched and cursed when the fabric rubbed against the raw marks. It was a wonder how Shepard forgot them at all considering they were still bleeding in most places. Then again, she was a soldier and ignoring such things was probably a consequence of years of being injured in battle.

 

“We should put medi-gel on those.”

 

“No, I’m fine.”

 

“Shepard, you’re bleeding. At least let me clean them so they don’t become infected.”

 

With a small sigh, Shepard let the shirt hang around her neck. Cautiously, Liara sat up testing her strength. Her arms trembled beneath her but she didn’t feel quite so boneless anymore. Leaving one arm to lean on, she pulled up her dress from around her middle and slipped each arm through the straps in turn. Much to her surprise, the dress wasn’t as wrinkled as she originally suspected. Still, it was only the top portion, which had little fabric besides. A witness to her struggle, Shepard offered her a hand, which she happily took and stood on shaking legs. The rest of the dress fell from her waist, also nigh free of wrinkles. At least she could preserve some of her dignity. Walking proved to be laborious, especially in her heels, but Liara kept her chin high refusing to give Shepard the satisfaction of seeing her in such a compromising state. She did catch a glimpse of the Commander’s triumphant smirk, however, and pointedly chose to ignore it.

 

She gestured for Shepard to take a seat on the toilet while she wet a rag with hot water from the faucet. Shepard stifled a grunt when the steaming rag brushed against the cuts.

 

“You know, that was pretty mean.” Shepard leaned forward on the back of the toilet trying in vain not to show her discomfort every time the rag dragged down her back.

 

“I suppose it was. But you seemed to enjoy it enough,” her voice was unintentionally impassive.

 

“Yes, but-,” Shepard grunted when the rag returned to her back, “you’ve never done that before. That was…so angry.”

 

“Perhaps I was a bit harsher than I should have been. I’m sorry.”

 

“Are you…” Shepard mumbled under her breath, and then fell silent.

 

The words concerned her, but Liara decided to dismiss them for now. She continued dabbing at the raw skin gently. The bloody marks looked even worse up close. Some were shallow scratches, while others were deep gouges. The most blood dripped from the lacerations that overlapped. Such a sight almost made Liara feel guilty. _Almost_. Her lips twitched up in a rueful grin. She loved Shepard, truly, but the revenge did taste sweet on her tongue. A delight she would not soon forget. _And neither will Shepard._ Liara wrung the bloody rag over the sink. The feeling was alike to that when she landed the killing blow to the old Shadow Broker. A feeling so raw, so full of adrenaline, so utterly gratifying that it made her head buzz. A feeling that she could get used to.

 

“Is it always going to be this way?” the question came from Shepard, spoken quietly like an afterthought.

 

“Is what always going to be this way?” Liara asked absentmindedly.

 

“Is it always going to be so angry? So full of…hate?”

 

“I could never hate you, Shepard.”

 

“Could’ve fooled me.” That stung. Liara pursed her lips, but remained silent as Shepard continued. “You seemed pretty intent on causing me pain. Even the Joining burned like hell.”

 

Shepard was baiting her, Liara could tell, but she remained calm. “I was only doing what I knew you liked, and you like when I scratch your back.” She paused choosing her next words carefully. If she didn’t address the Joining, Shepard would take it as silent admittance. “As for the Union, I thought maybe we might enjoy a change of pace. If it bothers you so much, just tell me.” Yes, that was vague enough, but still satisfied Shepard’s concern.

 

“Yes, I do like when you scratch me, but there’s a difference, Liara. I may not be a scientist, but I’m not stupid. You weren’t doing it for my benefit and we both know it.” The agitation was evident in the way her shoulders tensed under the cloth. Shepard shifted, trying to relax, but to no avail. “It wasn’t the Joining that bothered me, I just… I don’t mind trying new things, it’s natural, but it would’ve been nice if you warned me first.”

 

“I’ll keep that in mind, then.”

 

“Just be straight with me, Liara. Is it ever going to be like it was before? Is it ever going to be soft again?”

 

Liara wrung the cloth in the sink again. The bleeding had now stopped for the most part, aside from a few scattered spots. “If that is what you want.”

 

Shepard stood abruptly and slammed her hands down on the back of the toilet loudly. “Dammit, Liara!” she shouted and whirled around to face her. “I’m done playing this fucking game with you!”

 

Liara halted her movements, an eerie calm washing over her. She watched Shepard, her eyes drawn to the finer details on the Commander’s face as her voice boomed in the confined space. Shepard’s face was flush, her brow crinkled in frustration. Her green eyes were sharp, boring down into Liara, staring right through her. It should have made Liara concerned, but she felt nothing. The same phlegmatic demeanor she adopted as an information broker.

 

The Commander pulled her shirt on vigorously and continued, “It shouldn’t be just what _I_ want! Do _you_ want that? Do you… Do you even _love_ me anymore? Or was this just some petty revenge fantasy? Some way to get back at me because I died?”

 

_If I didn’t love you, you’d still be dead_. Such a harsh thought should have unsettled her, but it didn’t.

 

“Did you ever stop to consider how _I_ felt about dying?”

 

Liara blinked, her calm manner giving way to guilt. She hadn’t really thought about how the whole experience must have been for Shepard. Not really. Giving Shepard to Cerberus ate away at her, but beyond that, nothing else had crossed her mind. Not while she remained so focused on stopping the previous Shadow Broker and avenging Feron. Her heart sank, and she fought to keep an impassive façade in front of Shepard. Once again, her selfish behavior resurfaced, and now she was left to question who she really was. What had happened to her. How she had gone from one extreme to the next. She faltered and winced.

 

Immediately, Shepard’s expression softened, mistaking her tone for the reason behind Liara’s flinch. Her eyes lowered as well as her voice, “I know you said two years of mourning doesn’t just disappear, and I get that. I don’t expect things to fall back into place.” Her eyes flickered thoughtfully, and she chewed on her bottom lip. “When I died, I didn’t know I was coming back. People don’t just _come_ back from death. Do you know how confused I was when I woke up the first time? One minute I’m dead, and the next I’m in excruciating pain with people standing over me, hovering, like I’m some kind of freaky science experiment.” For the first time in her life, Shepard let her emotions wear openly on her face. She shared the deepest parts of her mind with Liara before, but that was just it, they were in her head. Now, Liara could see the hurt in her eyes, the plea to forgive and understand, the fear of losing everything they had. “You want to know the first thing I thought of when I woke up? _You_. I wanted to know why I was in some lab on God knows what planet, and why you weren’t there. I was so confused, Liara. I was so…” The corners of her eyes twitched and her jaw squared.

 

_Scared. That’s what she wants to tell me_. Now, it was Liara’s turn to step up and stand her own test. She placed the cloth in the sink and reached to cup Shepard’s cheek. “I love you, Shepard. I always will.”

 

“I know you love me. But are you _in_ love with me?”

 

_‘Bond with me,’_ she wanted to say. She wanted to ask Shepard to tie bonding bracelets with her right then and there. But now was not the time. “I am yours,” she whispered. She placed a kiss on Shepard’s nose, and pressed their foreheads together.

 

Silence washed over them for the longest time. Liara stroked Shepard’s cheek soothingly.

 

“Marry me,” Shepard breathed. Liara paused, shocked by the sudden request. Shepard pulled away just enough to lock eyes with her. “Marry me, Liara. I love you so much.” Her breathing quickened, she spoke quickly, fumbling over her words nervously, “I want you. Forever. I want us to grow old together. And have lots of little blue children. I want to spend the rest of my life with you…” Liara quieted her with a kiss. A soft, loving gesture. Not full of burning desire, or fiery lust, but a simple, affectionate gesture.

 

“Okay,” she smiled into the kiss.

 

“Okay.” Shepard embraced her tightly.


End file.
